How to Find Your Soulmate in 2020
Table of Contents
Overview
Times change – and with it come inevitable changes we must make in our mindsets to formulate the best life has to offer from the times we’re in. The year 2019 is different than the entire decade of the 70s – and so are the ways you might find your soulmate.
The ways we socialize are vastly different now, and if you’re going to find your soulmate in 2019, you need to know how the system works. You should also know what you’re looking for in a soulmate and what characteristics are deal-breakers.
Meeting someone in a crowded bar is nearly a thing of the past. Now, there are meet-and-greet happy hours, where groups meet at a pre-decided location and interact with each other.
The people in the groups usually have something in common such as young-professionals or love-of-boating or traveling. So you’re going into a situation where people have the same or similar interests as you.
Online dating sites and mobile apps are prevalent and can keep you from wasting your time on people who don’t fit your lifestyle.
There is usually a photo of the person on the site and a concise review of what type of person they are and which type they are looking for.
We live in fun and exciting times when it comes to the dating process, and it’s easy to meet others to find a true soulmate to spend the rest of your life with.
Some people don’t treat their pursuit of a soulmate seriously. Instead, they let fate or chance handle the task and what usually happens is they get into a relationship that’s not right for them – or spend many years alone.
It’s better that you take control of the situation and learn how to develop a strategy for actively finding your one right match in life. It takes understanding, dedication, and commitment to achieve those goals because not everyone gets to enjoy a lasting love like this.
But if you put forth the effort in figuring out the best way to present yourself to others and find the best people for your life, you’ll have a better chance of being able to leave the dating scene for good and begin life with a partner who fulfills you in almost every way imaginable.
Signs You’ve Found the One
A soulmate is defined as someone with whom you have deep feelings of partnership, including comfort, compatibility, love, and trust. You may also have strong sexual or spiritual feelings for a soulmate and want to spend the rest of your life with this person.
If you’re lucky enough to find a soulmate in your lifetime, you should consider yourself fortunate. But, it takes more than luck these days to find someone who might fit that description for you.
You might have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince or princess. In this age of social media and technology that can bring people from all over the world into your living room via computer or other devices, it seems that it would be more accessible than ever to find that person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
But there are also problems connected with having the world of dating brought to you. There are so many soulmate possibilities to choose from you initially might become confused – or scammed – or it might take you forever to weed out the good ones.
You’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when you notice distinctive signs that exist between you.
For example, you may finish each other’s sentences or simply know by a look or mannerism what your partner is attempting to communicate.
You’re each comfortable with each other from the time you first meet. Being honest and vulnerable without fear that the other is judging you is paramount in soulmates. You may not see every issue or challenge the same, but you should have the same values and ambitions in life.
Learn everything you can about the search process for finding a soulmate today, know what you’re looking for and know what your deal breakers are. There are specific characteristics of every soulmate that will make you realize you’ve found the one.
Here are the five signs you’ve found the one:
You Get to Maintain a Sense of Self
Your true soulmate will never attempt to change who you are. If you go into a relationship with confidence and happiness about who you are and the other person begins to finds faults and continuously wants you to change – s/he is not the one.
When you find yourself beginning to believe the person’s vitriol as s/he tries to change you or erode your self-confidence, you’re giving away your power and letting h/her control you.
The person who’s manipulating you will feel great about how things are going, but for you, it can be tragic. This form of self-betrayal can be heart-breaking, and you may lose confidence in your ability to find a true soulmate.
Don’t give up.
The person exists that will make you feel more alive than you ever have and ready to take on the world. As soon as you begin to feel less-than or uncertain about yourself because of something that was said or done, stop in your tracks and reassess your relationship.
Have a heart-to-heart talk, but if the feelings continue, take back your power by getting out of the relationship and know that this person is not your soulmate. Too often, we get caught up in the excitement and enthusiasm of the beginning of the relationship, and we don’t concentrate as much on what’s really going on between you.
The initial feelings can be overpowering at first but are destined to wane in the future because you’re not paying attention to the underlying messages. If your partner hits you, keeps you from your family and friends, is obsessive about where you are and what you’re doing and uses words and actions to make you feel you’re not important and loved – leave now.
It’s sporadic for a person with a narcissistic personality to change. You should shut down the relationship immediately before you get caught up in trying to change the person or to understand him/her.
The person you choose as your soulmate should have the ability to build you up, not bring you down – to nurture you and strengthen your sense of self and always increases confidence in yourself by words and deeds.
There Are No Constant Suspicions
No longer do you need to worry about cheating because, deep in your heart-of-hearts, you know the person is right to you. And, you’ll no longer have to worry and keep asking if something is wrong or if he or she is happy.
You won’t need to question yourself about the decision to enter into this relationship. You know you’re not missing out on someone better – because you know you’ve got the best person for you.
When suspicions are finally laid to rest in a real soulmate relationship, you no longer live in fear that you’re not enough or feel a lack of trust. And, you won’t be looking at others and wondering if you made the right decision on your partner.
The answer will be clear – you were both meant for each other, and you’ll know it.
If you don’t know it for sure, step back and take another look. When you see it in a new light and realize it isn’t really what you want, don’t waste time.
Get out of the relationship. When you’re excited and the love you feel for another person feels effortless, you’ll know you’ve found Mr. or Mrs. Right. Be completely honest and straightforward to show h/her that you’re reliable, dependable, and responsible.
Without the complete trust of each other, there’s the risk of second-guessing what s/he means with words or reactions. You may also find yourself neurotically keeping tabs on the other person and even expecting that s/he will betray you.
Lack of trust may cause you to check his/her emails, texts, and social media sites to track what he’s doing and saying to others. The best solution to lack of trust is to talk it over with the person and tell him/her of your concerns.
Together, you can find a suitable way to put the doubts aside and continue to enjoy your relationship. Trust in the other person should also involve being able to tell him/her confidential information and have complete confidence that s/he won’t share it with others.
You should also make it a point not to disclose confidential information your partner discloses. Trust is one of the most crucial building blocks of you and your soulmate’s relationship because it leads to the ultimate strength in the partnership – respect.
The Spark Never Dies
Those pleasant feelings you get when butterflies play in your stomach and the excitement when you see your soulmate are part of the fun of being in love. Those feelings should never die – it might ebb and flow, but it will never completely go away.
Even the best of relationship fires need some kindling once in a while. That means you need to guard against indifference in a relationship. At first, everything is new and exciting, and it’s difficult to understand how this heart-racing happiness could evolve into familiarity and discontent.
When you have a true soulmate, the spark doesn’t die but turns into something rare and beautiful.
You sincerely have feelings of love and respect for your soulmate and are attracted to him/her, but there are also feelings of security and a connection you don’t feel with anyone else.
There’s a danger in becoming so complacent with the new feelings of connectedness in your relationship that you may let the fun of spontaneity and passion subside. All the energy and passion that once were the highlights of your relationship can become secondary to the unique feelings you once shared.
Assess your relationship for the danger signs and give some thought to how you felt at the beginning to how you feel now. You must hang on to your individuality and not get lost in your partner’s personality.
Your partner will also retain his/her sense of individuality, and you will be attracted to him/her not as an extension of yourself, but as the independent and attractive person you fell in love with.
This will keep the relationship fresh, engaging, and exciting.
A surefire way to let the fires die in a relationship is to feel a comfort level with the person that makes you let yourself go in ways that make you lose the self-confidence and vivacity you once felt.
You may gain weight, begin to drink more, develop bad habits, or engage in other things that are unhealthy for the relationship. Eventually, no matter how you feel about the other person, s/he will begin to pull away, and the relationship will falter and die.
Remember the fun you used to share by engaging in activities you both enjoy? Routine in the relationship may cause you to lose interest in taking part in the things you used to enjoy with your partner. Taking his/her passions and interests into consideration is a loving thing to do and will keep the fires burning.
There’s a Mutual Respect and Comfort Level
True soulmates have an unshakable respect and comfort level for each other. You experience calmness and security in the relationship that makes you confident about confiding and revealing your innermost thoughts to him/her.
There’s no doubt that you’re both in a lifetime relationship and no matter what happens, you’ll be there for each other. You may not always agree with or appreciate your soulmate’s traits and opinions, but you’re a pair, and that means taking on the world together.
Your beliefs can be different than that of your soulmate, but you also need to find things in common and keep an open mind to the other’s likes, dislikes, and what s/he believes. A soulmate may open your mind to new discoveries and ways of doing things.
Feed off of each other’s knowledge and background to give you a different perspective on life. And, you should respect your soulmate’s needs and put them ahead of your own when necessary.
You will allow yourself to listen to suggestions and ideas from a soulmate, but should never let him/her views overpower your own.
Acceptance of your partner’s way of doing things, even if they’re different from your own, will give you the courage needed to stay connected to your own beliefs and value system.
Confidence that the other person will never abandon you can give you the comfort in a relationship that many never have. S/he will want to share life experiences with you and can’t imagine having them with someone else.
Avoid harboring anger at all cost.
Not addressing anger can leave a crack in your relationship that can become wider, and you’ll be less able to fix it. Sometimes you can never overcome it and may leave scars in your relationship.
When you have the confidence and self-assurance to believe in yourself, you’ll have that same confidence to express your feelings to your partner and never let anger seep in and destroy the relationship
Respect and comfort in a relationship are healthy, but it doesn’t mean that you should hand over your power to another person. You must respect yourself and stand up for what you believe before you can feel total respect for the other person.
Showing that you respect your partner reflects your deep feelings of love and devotion. Even though you may argue, you and your partner show that you both value each other’s opinions.
Respect is freedom – the freedom to express yourself.
A soulmate will love and respect you even if s/he doesn’t agree.
Have self-respect too, accepting yourself for who you are, even though you know you’re not perfect. Self-respect gives you the confidence you must have to maintain a relationship with everyone in your life – especially your soulmate.
Confidence and self-respect for yourself are attractive to others and can help you find a true soulmate. Mutual respect and a comfort level that you feel for each other solidify and define a soulmate relationship.
You Just Know It
Something deep inside tells you this is the perfect one for you. It’s as if there is a spiritual force pushing you to let go of everything you previously expected and to give of yourself completely.
Find Your Soulmate in a Professional Way
The process of finding true love can be daunting, but when you think of it as a business venture, things begin to make sense, and you won’t waste as much time kissing frogs. When you interview possible candidates for your business, you want him/her to match the qualifications you set up for the job.
The others don’t count. You wouldn’t give a second or third interview with a person who obviously doesn’t qualify and whom you know you couldn’t work with for the long-term. And, you don’t stop looking for a job candidate simply because you’ve interviewed so many that didn’t qualify.
Someone out there must be qualified for the job, so you keep looking and interviewing. If your choice is to be successful, you should know everything about the job s/he is to do.
You may not know much about accounting, but you need to know what is involved so you can immediately see if your interviewee is the one for the job. Getting others whom you trust to give their opinions is a good idea.
Family and friends likely know what you’re looking for and can help you choose worthwhile candidates if you open up to them and let them in on the task. Keep an open mind and enjoy the search process.
Be Willing to Quickly Weed Out the Worst Candidates
Wasting time on those you know don’t fit the job description is a bad way to spend your time and energy. Days turn into weeks and months and years, and finally, you act on what you knew all along – that the person you’ve spent your valuable time with isn’t qualified to be your soulmate.
Don’t get so caught up in the chase that you forget why and what you’re looking for. Doing so can make you settle for much less than you want or deserve. It’s better to be alone for the rest of your life than to settle for someone who makes you miserable.
Too many people jump to the wrong conclusions about a soulmate – ignoring the obvious flaws.
Even though they don’t see the potential they’re looking for; they become afraid that the perfect person will never come along.
You may want to imagine which emoji – a frown or a happy face – you would assign to how your possible soulmate makes you feel. When you assign too many unhappy emojis to your feelings, s/he isn’t the one for you.
Some people are desperate enough to rush into a relationship and concentrate on the honeymoon phase rather than think about the future. Enjoy that early time of getting to know each other, but be wary of someone who pushes you to commit before you’re ready.
Take your own time to make your personal decision.
Don’t be willing to devote your entire self to the other person and give up other things and people you enjoy. You will eventually regret it.
If the other person demands you give up those things, they can’t be your soulmate. Those who would stifle another’s freedom and control them for their own benefit aren’t capable of true love.
At the other side of the spectrum of being controlled, there are the people who would let you run all over them. When a person kowtows to every word you say and every suggestion you make, they are not empowering you.
Your soulmate should think for him/her and not depend on you for his/her beliefs, wants, and needs. Keeping simple things from you because s/he is afraid of your reaction should also be a deal-breaker.
Even if his decision or action is something you may react negatively to, you should have the choice, and the other person should be open and honest about everything. Never pursue a relationship with someone who does not value you.
Disrespect comes in many forms, and you’ll begin to see a pattern that should make you uncomfortable. If you see that his friends and even family always come before you in even the most straightforward matters, s/he will probably never see your worth.
Dedicate Your Time to Actively Searching for a Match
It may seem like you’ve been forever dating the wrong people to find your soulmate, but don’t give up. Hope is on the horizon. You may need to change your tactics a bit and discover new places or methods to meet someone, but it will happen if you’re consistent.
It’s easy to get discouraged when you’re still kissing frogs, and Prince Charming doesn’t appear in any way, shape or form. You shouldn’t give up after a few – or many – try.
Take a hard look at how you’re spending your time and energy and perhaps change a few things to make it happen. You may have a list of requirements that you use to judge everyone you meet, and some are deal-breakers.
Look at your list with a critical eye and see where you might be too rigid and where you might compromise. The pointers you use to choose a soulmate may not be the same now as when you first began the search.
Be willing to change your mind on small or unimportant things and then follow your heart. Although you don’t want to waste your time on those soulmate candidates you don’t think will work, don’t turn down opportunities that may turn out much better than you think it will.
Love is unpredictable and can totally surprise you.
To make the time you spend searching for a soulmate worthwhile, there are some things you should do for yourself to be sure you present yourself well when your true soulmate does come along.
One thing you can do for yourself is to like yourself and be happy about the person you are. If you aren’t satisfied with yourself, how can another person like you? So, remove the tinted glasses and see where you can spiff yourself up and be the best you can be. You’ll have more self-confidence and be more willing to take chances to find your soulmate.
Educate Yourself on Your Search Journey
As with any new job, you’ll likely have a learning curve where you’re studying, experimenting, and opening yourself up to new ways of doing things when you begin searching for your soulmate.
The process is ongoing, and you should always be learning until the soulmate jackpot happens. It’s not enough anymore to just put yourself out there. There are different methods available that might help – or hurt – your search and you should be aware of them.
Dating apps are popping up all over the internet, and some will be perfect for you – and some will not.
You must learn the good and bad about each one that you’re considering. Although the old methods of blind dates and meeting in bars are still alive, better ways to find a soulmate are shining through.
Social meetings are becoming a thing of the past, and technology is taking over. Excuses for not socializing include being too busy and not enough time. Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram have revolutionized how we meet and get to know each other.
Online dating sites are rampant, and most claim that they make it easier to meet people with the same interests and values as them. But, sometimes you might meet people who aren’t really who they say they are and risk getting scammed.
It’s hard to avoid the risk all the time, but you can do your research and check out blogs and other people who have used the site – both the complaints and the kudos. Some sites are designed to appeal to people with different interests.
If you’re a sports fanatic, you may use a particular site to zero in on someone who shares that passion. Online dating sites can hold great opportunities for those that are too shy to go out and meet someone.
Meeting online gives you the chance to get to know a person before you actually meet, so you have already decided what you have in common and if the match might be a good one.
Online dating sites also provide a better chance for you to express yourself freely.
There’s the anonymity that is lacking in most other methods of finding a match. All they know is what you told them in your profile.
Each site will have rules to which you must adhere if you don’t want to avoid getting banned. As you educate yourself about online dating sites or other methods you might want to try, keep an open mind, and be yourself.
Surround Yourself with the Best People for the Job
Besides all the dating apps and meet-and-greet types of mingling, some know you best and who may be perfect for helping you choose a soulmate. Friends and family likely understand your needs, likes and dislikes and have a good idea about who you would be most happy with.
You may not think your mom knows enough about your adult likes and dislikes to choose a mate for you, but don’t underestimate the knowledge that moms have about their offspring.
It doesn’t have to be just mom – dads, cousins, grandparents and others in your family circle have either known you since you were born or grew up with you at some point. Spend some time getting an assessment from one that you trust the most. You might be surprised at what you discover.
Friends are also valuable when it comes to finding a soulmate.
When you have a best friend, you confide in that person and trust him/her to tell you the truth – not just what you want to hear.
When you introduce a possible soulmate to a friend (or family member) be sure to listen to them about their thoughts and observations on the two of you as a couple. Friends and family members can introduce you to the right people too.
They won’t merely pair you with another just because you’re both single. They’ll truly try to match you with someone they think will have the best chance to share your passions. They will have your best interests in mind.
Matchmakers are another way to gain insight into what you’re really looking for in a partner and who might be a good match for you.
The matchmakers today are different from those of years ago.
They usually have a sophisticated process that includes asking you many questions from your background to your current lifestyle. The matchmakers are often life and personal coaches and have been trained to assist you in finding the ideal relationship.
Listen to the people who want to help you on the journey to find a soulmate – but let your heart ultimately be your guide – and instincts can also help.
Know Your Measure of Compatibility
It’s important for you to know exactly how you measure compatibility with someone you first meet or try and get to know. Of course, there are deal-breakers that you won’t give up no matter what – but you may be measuring too rigidly.
Compatibility in a relationship consists of many things – chemistry, interests, values, and more. One may not be as strong as the other, but they should at least come together to create feelings of love and admiration.
Have You Been Too Rigid with a List?
Many people have a list that includes so many must-haves in a relationship that they never find anyone. It’s good to have deal-breakers such as verbal or physical abuse, but some on the list might be considered nit-picky.
It might be time to loosen up about things you might be able to live with. Think about what you put on the list that doesn’t really bother you, but it would be nice to have. It’s like whipped cream on a piece of pie.
It would be nice to have it, but you could eat the pie and enjoy it without the whipped cream. Your entire list may be deal-breakers to you, and you may not be able to find anyone who fits the bill exactly.
Unless you reassess the list of must-haves and deal-breakers and consider what you think are annoying traits compared to the real deal-breakers, it’s likely to be very difficult to find a person you can live with and love.
Even if you don’t consider giving up some of your list of soulmate requirements, give people a chance.
You may find that his/her other qualities far outweigh some of the small and annoying habits. Sometimes, you may not notice some of the good qualities until you get to know him/her a bit. You may find you cannot tolerate the bad habits and they outweigh the good qualities, but at least you need to give it a chance.
If something s/he does makes you feel uncomfortable, talk about it. Don’t be afraid to open up and tell him/her just how you feel about something that makes you skittish about continuing with the relationship.
Those feelings vary with every person. You may not think it’s a big deal that s/he is late for everything, while another person might call it a deal-breaker. If you talk to the person about it, s/he can either change or continue. In that case, you have to decide whether or not the bad habit is too much.
At some point in the relationship, everyone must decide if this person truly meets all the criteria on your list that’s most important to you. Those are qualities that can’t be compromised.
What Qualities Will Your Soulmate Possess?
A true soulmate understands you. It might take a while for this important quality to happen, but when it does, you’ll know you’ve found a person who really gets what you’re all about.
Other qualities you might consider important include a sense of humor, ambitions and career goals in life, gentleness, and love of animals. You have a vision of a soulmate relationship that is unique.
One person may want to find a soulmate who wants to have children while another doesn’t. Or, you may enjoy being with a sensitive person, whereas another may want a less sensitive partner.
Whatever your vision of a soulmate is, there are some character traits that you should look for. The quality of generosity is one of the most important to look for. Money isn’t the only measure of generosity.
S/he should also be generous with his/her attention and time.
Commitment is another trait that should be high on the quality list. You can tell by your soulmate words and actions whether you can depend on this person when there are sacrifice and effort involved.
Is your view of the world the same?
If the world s/he wants to live in is vastly different from your perspective, the relationship is likely to be in jeopardy from the get-go. For example, you may be an animal lover who wants a menagerie of animals in a big home with a yard.
S/he may want just the opposite – an apartment in the center of town with no animals at all to care for.
There might be allergies or fear of animals involved, but if you can compromise and keep your word, the relationship might work and evolve over time.
Are your possible soulmate’s emotions a roller coaster that tests your patience and makes you tired from dealing with it?
You may never know where you stand with this type of person or what made him/her jump from one extreme to the other.
Look for a partner who is consistent in his/her emotions and can discuss with you why s/he becomes emotional in certain situations.
If you’re the one who exists on an emotional roller coaster, see a counselor who can help you become more grounded.
If you prefer a person who takes pride in their appearance, stays healthy by eating well and exercising and takes care of his/her home and possessions, you won’t find a soulmate who lacks these qualities.
They shouldn’t be obsessive in their self-care but takes responsibility for it. Your soulmate will more likely care about pleasing you. There are some qualities essential to you when forming a life-long relationship. Don’t settle for less.
Deal Breakers Can Derail Happiness or Prevent Catastrophes
Sometimes your deal breakers might actually be a preference. Don’t miss out on finding your soulmate because you’re too rigid in your expectations. But, don’t dismiss a deal-breaker that’s important to you.
For example, if you want children after marriage, it’s doubtful you would be happy with someone who doesn’t. Maybe you cringe when you go out to dinner because s/he’s rude to the server or always drinks too much. Annoyance or deal-breaker?
Some people have a terrible habit of always sending food back after the server served them. Once in a while is acceptable – especially if they really mess up your order – but what if it’s a regular occurrence?
You might see future problems if it is. What if s/he’s stingy with money? It’s one thing to be frugal, but if your potential soulmate never pays his/her fair share of the tab, it may predict trouble in paradise.
Also, beware of the person who talks trash about his/her exes.
That should be a huge red flag for you. Deal breakers might include not having any friends or never making plans to introduce you to his family.
And, if s/he isolates you from others and demands that you spend most of your time with him/her, turn and run.
That type of behavior could turn into abusive. When you begin to date a person, and a nagging feeling that something is wrong won’t go away, it’s likely time to part.
S/he might not be him/herself because s/he’s been through a traumatic period in life, such as a bad divorce or a death in the family. After a while, you can tell if the person is just going through a bad time or if it’s a situation within him/her that won’t likely get better.
You might tend to overlook red flags in the beginning, but at some point, you must address the issues that are important to you. It’s important to trust your instincts, but it’s also important to recognize and not dismiss deal-breakers that could turn into real problems in the future.
You won’t find a perfect match, but you can find a soulmate who will complement you. Never believe that you can transform a person after you enter into a long-term relationship or marriage. It won’t happen.
What to Do If a Potential Soulmate Has a Problem with You
Just as you have deal breakers for a potential soulmate, s/he also has some likes and dislikes that aren’t negotiable. If you date a person for a while and s/he clearly seems to like you, and you’re falling head over heels, a rejection can be devastating.
Maybe s/he’s decided that your lifestyle isn’t what s/he wants – perhaps you want to live in the suburbs and s/he doesn’t. Whatever the reason, it’s a good thing to be able to talk it out and find out how serious you both are about your deal-breakers.
You may be willing to change some little things, like talking during a movie. It may seem like nothing to you, but to him/her, it could be beyond annoying. It would be a shame if you didn’t know, and the relationship ended over something so small.
Make it a point to discuss anything you feel is not only just annoying but the more important things too.
Sometimes things evolve during a relationship. For example, perhaps you were against living abroad, but you might change your mind after you travel a bit.
It takes time and flexibility to realize what each of you really wants and cares about in a relationship. Don’t give up until you explore how you both feel about the things that simply annoy you.
Entering into a relationship is thrilling, and the tendency is to immerse yourself in the feelings of love and spend every moment with your new-found potential partner.
Be sure to keep your own life on tap.
S/he may end the relationship because s/he isn’t feeling the same way and he/she’ll leave you without the friends and lifestyle you dropped for him/her. You can’t control the other person, but you can control how you react to rejection.
It’s okay to ask him/her why he/she’s rejecting you, but be classy about the breakup. If there aren’t any deep feelings on the part of the other person, it’s better to go your separate ways. You can’t force love.
When you do find out what went wrong in the relationship, decide if it’s something you’re willing to change or work on. If the change makes you unhappy and unfulfilled, don’t agree to the change.
There will be days that you’re happy and confident in the relationship and others that make you wonder if it’s really what you want. Both people in a relationship may be questioning his/her choice at times, but the openness with each other goes a long way in repairing a misunderstanding or putting more light on a bad situation.
Dating for Different Generations
Each generation has its own expectations about how the dating game should work, and every old way is affected. The millennials, for example, have a very different idea about how to communicate with a love interest than the baby boomers.
There may be different ideas about how to search for/ meet each partner’s role in the relationship. Although there are significant differences in dating techniques from generation to generation, there are also things that remain pretty much the same.
With dating sites, matchmakers and so many other ways to meet people today – that specialize in millennials to baby boomers, it’s good to know what the expectations are for your own generation. And, maybe you can learn a bit from another generation that could help in your search for a soulmate.
Millennials
You might think the millennials (19 to 33 year-olds) have it made with all the dating help they have at their fingertips from the internet, but it can also be very confusing. The goal for some of the millennials isn’t so much to find their life partners but to have sex and hang out.
Dating as we used to define it just isn’t done anymore by the millennials. They consider it part of the past generation’s methods and prefer to visit a house, coffee shop or another casual meeting place.
They get to know each other on social media, and when they’re ready to have sex, it’s called hooking up. Unlike past dating generations, having sex does not mean there is a commitment.
The next step to hooking up is to be a significant other.
That happens when the couple decides together that they want a committed relationship. Dating apps are the go-to method for meeting new people to have sex or form a relationship.
There are exclusive dating sites for the LGBTQ bunch as well as for those of a particular generation. With all the sites, texting, apps, and other ways of communicating it seems that the millennials would know precisely where to find love and how it would work.
But, that’s not always the case. The terms of dating for millennials are incredibly ambiguous, and overtures can be misleading because there are so many ways to represent themselves.
One of the most frustrating of these methods of dating is called ghosting.
Ghosting is when a person wants to break a relationship with another and simply stops all communication with the person.
They’re blocked from texting, social media sites, phone calls, and emails just because they don’t want the hassle of explaining themselves about the breakup. With all the confusion within millennial dating, there is also a bright side.
Millennials are much more open to change and are more willing to accept a person for who they really are and join in more authentic relationships.
Generation X
Millennials and Generation Xs (34 to 54 year-olds) have much in common, but there are some differences that stand out in their approach to dating. Much of it has to do with how each group was raised.
Millennials are known for being tech-savvy and fight turning into adults. Gen Xers tend to be very well educated and focused on their careers, but still, try to keep fragments of their childhood to remember and cherish.
These values have made a difference in how each group approaches dating. Because of their devotion to work and careers, Gen Xers haven’t had much time to focus on a family and kids.
They’ve also got enough rebel in them that makes it difficult for them to bow down to what others expect of them. But, while millennials are happy in a small apartment and to make just enough money to get by, Gen Xers are more apt to go for the home and marriage at an early age.
Some millennials have more in common with Gen Xers and can gladly date a person from the other generation. They may share the same life passions and interests, and millennials appreciate that Gen Xers are surer of themselves and more accomplished.
Gen Xers grew up with television and spent lots of time in front of them – especially watching MTV.
Forming an entirely different culture, they have everything to do with their dating habits.
The Gen X group loves to try dating websites and communicate on the internet, but so many choices make it difficult for them to decide on a permanent relationship. They’ve also had many of life’s relationship lessons, so they are more apt to wait until they know they’ve found the right one.
Like millennials, Gen Xers have less interest in having children. Perhaps they’ve been burned by seeing their parents in messy divorces where the children suffer – or they simply don’t want to give up an active lifestyle.
Both generations are open about sex and freely discuss their preferences when in the dating mode. Gen Xers feel less shame to discuss sex during the dating process than the older generations and feel that sex before marriage is typical.
Gen Xers also know how to disconnect from social media and attach themselves to others through personal intimacy. While they love the connections that phones, computers, and iPads provide, they also desire intimacy outside technological advances.
Baby Boomers
They’re set in their ways and know exactly what they want – and don’t want — in a soulmate. Baby Boomers are the generation born after the soldiers returned from fighting World War II. They’ve learned some things about life and dating.
Having children is not likely to be a topic of conversation for Boomers, but getting along with their kids and family is an important topic, and if the kids don’t get along with a potential date, it’s usually over.
Boomers have developed habits that are difficult to break, so dating can be challenging.
It can also be rewarding. Most have an income, and both partners contribute financially to the relationship.
Dating might include travel to exotic places or traveling together in an RV. Living together without marriage isn’t the stigma it once was, so they don’t feel they have to get married to be together.
Love and romance are still strong desires for Boomers, and they want to have fun and experience new things they might have missed in previous relationships. Boomers are having sex sooner in a relationship than they once did, but they still want to have loving feelings toward their partner.
Companionship is one thing Boomers are seeking.
They want someone who shares their interests and can experience life with them, but are hesitant to walk down the aisle. They love their freedom and time to indulge in hobbies and to socialize.
Boomers are less apt to pressure their partners into marriage. They don’t want to begin a family, but they’re not against living together. Boomers find dates the same as other generations – online dating sites, the gym, church and friends and through friends and family members.
Among boomers, most single women would rather date a person of their own age group, while men wanted a younger woman in their lives. Boomers are still behind the younger generations in using phone apps and online dating sites to find dates, but that statistic shows an upward trend for boomers in using the power of the internet.
One reason boomers are now looking for love online in isolation. They’re more likely to be lonely because activities and work have slowed and people are now living longer. It makes sense to access technology from home to find a companion.
There are dating sites that cater to the older generation, and they’re becoming more popular as time goes on.
Understanding the Lingo of the Dating World Today
There could be an entirely new college course in understanding the lingo of the dating world today. Terms like ghosting, Netflix (it’s not a movie channel in dating lingo) and catfishing are just a few of the terms used in conversation (texting) today.
Catfish
It is a term used to describe a scam where a person uses a false online profile to misrepresent him/herself. They may try to get another person to send money, laundry money, or other illegal scams.
Bae
It is a term used for your significant other, and it may be a form of the words babe or baby.
Bot
It is also a term where a person misrepresents him/herself by photo-shopping their profile pictures and making them more attractive.
Breadcrumbing
Means one person is sending flirtatious messages or texts to someone with no plans to date them – just to play them along.
Ghosting
It is when a person you’ve actually been dating ceases all communication with you without explanation.
Submarining
In dating lingo, it means that someone has ghosted you and now they’re back, strong as ever, with no apology and no explanation, like nothing ever happened.
Deep like
It is a term that means you’ve scrolled through your potential date’s online profiles and liked ancient pictures. This alerts the other person you’ve been researching them and that you’re interested in a relationship.
DTR (define the relationship)
It is a sign that you want to establish a relationship.
Sliding into DMs
It is a way to flirt online and means Direct Message. It signals to the other person that you want to privately chat with him/her.
Netflix and Chill
Mention you’d like to Netflix and chill in online dating, and the other person knows you’d like to have casual sex. It also has different meanings such as to come on over and hang out. Chill is a term that could also mean several things, but usually, it also means come over for casual sex.
Some online dating terms are simply flirtatious, and others describe what’s happening within the relationship – or what s/he would like to happen. If you’re going to date online, you’ll need to learn the various terms to know how to communicate.
Perfect First Date Ideas
The perfect date is different in every generation. Of course there may be exceptions, but for the most part, money and time play significant factors in the generational dating game.
Dating a Millenial
A special date to millennials doesn’t have to be expensive. They don’t feel they have to impress anyone with money and are more interested in getting to know them. Millennials don’t date as other generations did. They’re more apt to invite a person over to cook together. Visit a farmer’s market first to choose the ingredients.
Statistics show that millennials spend much of their money on food and cook four or more times per week. They also enjoy retro dating. For example, going bowling or skating and trying new experiences.
A trampoline park can be a fun first date, and you can usually find one in your home town. It’s difficult not to smile and have fun when you’re having such a good time jumping up and down.
Dating a Gen Xers
Gen Xers values include working and living life to the fullest. They may enjoy a date that involves activities such as hiking, bicycling, playing games, seeing movies and enjoying a lovely (but inexpensive) evening on the town.
If there is a concert featuring entertainers you both like, it makes an excellent first date. Museums are also a great idea to keep a conversation lively. It’s fun to see what the other thinks about art.
Many bars now have trivia nights with a particular theme, so the conversation is never lacking and you can impress the other person with your knowledge of various subjects. It’s a good idea to break the awkwardness of a first date.
For something different, try an escape room for a first date. It makes for a fun starter to the evening, and they’re all the rage in most cities and towns. You’ll both try to break the code and escape from the room, and it can be loads of fun.
A Gen Xer may be in better shape financially to spend money on a date, and the man is expected to pay for the first time. After that, the Gen X men are happy to let a woman take the lead in where to go and to pay for at least half of the date’s cost.
Dating a Baby Boomer
Baby Boomers run the gamut of what to do on first dates. It’s based on the likes and dislikes of both people, and if they’re at the point of dating, they’ve likely established that.
Some boomers enjoy concerts, dressing up and having a great night on the town. Others prefer cooking together and enjoying a meal in front of the fireplace. The first date is a little too early to do things with friends, but subsequent dates can be social in nature.
Many bars have the old-style arcade games, and some have karaoke nights which are fun for just about anyone. Or, try taking your date to a drive-in movie. Many cities are bringing back the old style of enjoying a movie from the comfort of your own car.
All three generations are more likely to plan a first date with the other person and choose something that both enjoy. First dates build a foundation for a relationship and can be valuable in searching for your soulmate – so plan them carefully and make them fun.
Tools, Resources, and Technology for Finding Your Soulmate
The internet has become one of the best tools for finding a soulmate, but there are other methods that could work just as well – or even better. For example, use the traditional way of finding a love interest by using your friends and families as tools for finding your soulmate.
After all, they probably know you better than anyone and would love to lead you in the right direction. Also, gyms and churches are great places to meet people who have the same interests and beliefs as you.
There are other resources that might also work to find your soulmate. Don’t give up – one of them will be sure to work.
Traditional Meeting Places
The old, traditional ways of meeting people are still used and have been very successful at matching couples. Friends are great resources and are unlikely to pair you with a person who doesn’t fit your personality.
Gym
If you’re into working out at the gym, keep your eyes open for matches there. Since you’re both working out, you obviously have that in common. Many gyms have small health restaurants where you can sit and enjoy a smoothie with someone you like.
Church
Church has long been a traditional method of finding a potential soulmate. You likely have the same beliefs and values, to begin with, and can find other things you have in common after a few dates.
Cycling
Cycling is a sport that has become popular during the past few years. There are clubs you can join and meet people. They usually plan biking excursions where you can get to know people and discover other interests you have in common.
Volunteering
Volunteering is an excellent way to meet others who share your values. You can find many places that need dependable volunteers, such as hospitals and shelters. If you’re good at building, Habitat for Humanity is an excellent place to volunteer and meet others.
Cooking Classes
Many cities and towns also have organizations that focus on cooking and dining together at each other’s homes.
Traditional Venues
Clubs, the beach, museums, church, and other traditional venues for meeting others can ensure that you’ll have a better chance of meeting people who have the same interests and beliefs.
Dating Apps and Sites
The Dating Apps
Dating apps and dating sites are the go-to technology when people want to meet someone and possibly have a relationship – either long-term or overnight. There are apps and websites especially for seniors, Christians, men-looking-for-men, and women-looking-for-women
Site and app developers have done their best to have something online for everyone, and the most popular apps are very different. Some of the most popular apps include Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, Hinge, and Match.
The match was one of the first online apps and is for those who are serious about finding a soulmate. You’ll be answering many questions about your lifestyle, interests, and beliefs so they can narrow down the candidates that would fit you best.
Hinge
The Hinge dating site only matches you with those on your social network – and their friends. When you get the results from Hinge, you merely swipe to record yes or no. Tinder touts itself as being the most popular sex app, and you simply swipe yes or no to accept or reject the match.
Bumble
Bumble is an app that works much like Tinder. The difference between the two is that the women have to message first. Their theory is that it reduces the not-so-nice messages from the guys.
OkCupid
OkCupid gets a very comprehensive profile from you after asking you several questions. This will determine how much you match with another person. Like Tinder, you can swipe yes or no.
eHarmony
Dating sites such as eHarmony let you choose someone for casual dating or choosing someone interested in a deep relationship. You’ll take a personality test when you join and browse through photos and profiles of those who signed up.
There is such a variety of online dating apps that it would be impossible to list each one, but rest assured you’ll find one that works for you no matter what your likes/dislikes or sexual persuasion.
Social Networking Sites
Almost everyone knows what Facebook and Instagram are and how to use them. You can easily keep up with family and friends and even meet people to date.
It is full of photos, blogs, and videos and has more than 2 billion, monthly users.
It is a site where you can share videos and photos, and anyone of the age 13 or older can access it.
Meetup
It is a site offering ways and times to meet people in your area. Those 18 and older can use this site to plan offline social meetings.
With the Twitter social networking sites, you can post mini-blogs and follow others – and others can follow you. You can keep up with celebrities, friends, family – and even the President of the United States.
Tumblr
It can help you by providing a micro-blogging platform and enables you to realize your social-networking efforts.
Tylted/Cellufun
It is a networking site for playing games. While it might not be for Gen Xers or Baby Boomers, Millennials might find it interesting if they’re into gaming.
TravBuddy.com
It is a social networking site for those who love to travel. It’s a great place to find someone with your travel interests and possibly build that into a romantic relationship.
It is a social media site that is a way to post various likes and dislikes under a variety of different sections such as recipes, décor, camping, traveling, fashion and more.
Remember that social media and meeting sites also attract people who are out to scam you, so don’t post any information that may compromise your safety, such as your address and phone number.
Also, on the first date at least, meet the person in an open area – preferably during the day. Keep things very casual online and beware of the person who wants to rush into a sexual or committed relationship right away.
Matchmaking Services
Some people still prefer matchmaking services to meet a person who might become their soulmates. One of the most popular of these services is It’s Just Lunch – a site where busy and active professionals can meet others from personally selected matches.
Matchmaking services keep your profile private, so you don’t have to worry about someone reading your personal information. These services usually have certified matchmakers and are proficient in creating happy dating experiences.
There are pros and cons to choosing matchmaking services.
Obviously, the best reason is that you will get a face-to-face date that has been planned by a professional and you don’t have to go through the thousands of online candidates.
Another good reason for choosing a matchmaking service is that you can meet more people from all over the world. Many people would like to meet a soulmate from another part of the world, and there are matchmaking services that specialize in that.
Your professional matchmaker usually meets all of their clients and thoroughly interviews them. They will guide you through the dating process both before and after the initial date and give you feedback.
They should also offer technological services so you can access them on your PC or other devices. Matchmaking services offer the personal touch that can immediately weed out predators and those who might scam you.
When choosing a matchmaking service, do your research and make sure they have a reputable background and aren’t a fly-by-night operation. They should make sure the person they’re interviewing is single and run an extensive background check.
One con to choosing a matchmaking service is that they can be costly.
You will pay the right amount to get personalized service, but if you’re busy and can’t be bothered with scanning social media online sites, it may save you time.
Finding your soulmate today is easier than it’s ever been. With all the new innovations in technology and other ways to communicate, you’re sure to find a method that works for you.
